​How do I know which decision is right?

Which path should I take?


In life and ministry we often come to a crossroads. A decision that will forever change our life. One path seams easier. The other path is blocked by fear. Choosing a path can be confusing and frightening. It can leave us endlessly analyzing each decision. 


Over the years, I have faced many fearful decisions: starting an AIDS ministry in South Africa, opening an AIDS care home, beginning to train Zulu pastors, and taking the Regional Director role in East Africa. Looking back, I see a pattern in the decision making process. I had a list of questions I asked myself, but I usually got stuck on this: Will I take the path marked FEAR?


In many parts of life, avoiding fear is wise. Fear keeps me from playing hopscotch in traffic and jumping rope with cobras. It keeps me safe. 


But what about following God? When God calls me to follow, it’s not to safety, it’s to faith. Faith by its very nature means stepping out beyond my ability and control. This causes me to feel anxious and fearful because I am not in control. This initial feeling of fear is normal. As much as I don’t like the feeling of fear, I am learning that it can actually help me see which path God wants me to take.


How do I know which decision is right?
Take the path marked FEAR.
Walk towards fear, not away from it.
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For a book summary of "The COACH Model" click HERE.

​I had a disease. Like many, I suffered from an acute case of “know-it-all-ism” (with the telltale symptom of trying to solve everyone’s problems).


My heart was right…or at least partially right. When offering solutions to other’s problems I truly wanted to help. I loved sharing knowledge that had benefited me. However, I also enjoyed being the person with answers. There was definitely some pride behind my “know-it-all-ism”.


Whenever people shared problems, I immediately offered a solution. But as the years dragged on I noticed something (quick learner that I am), a very small number of people actually followed my advice. Or, someone would “discover” a solution that I had suggested years ago with no recollection of my advice.


Part of my role as Regional Director is helping others find solutions. Having come to grips with the fact that telling people what to do was an epic fail, I searched for a better way. Reading books on active listening was a step in the right direction. However, I still struggled to help others make forward progress. I didn’t know how to transition people from feeling understood to helping them set action steps.


Reading “The COACH Model” was like finding a decoder ring (you remember the ones from cereal boxes…). It organized the chaos. Each communication tool has a function (listening, sharing, etc.), but questions are the key. Questions, the right questions, enabled me to help others without being manipulative, controlling, arrogant… or just downright annoying. No one likes being told what to do. So, how do you help people find solutions without telling them what to do? Coaching.

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Ministry is draining. Thankfully, God promises to renew us and give us strength to minister. But, as the author Wayne Cordeiro reminds us: “We don’t forget that we are Christians. We forget that we are human, and that one oversight alone can debilitate the potential of our future.” We tend to push ourselves too hard for too long, not realizing that little by little our spiritual and physical tank is running dry.


Wayne wrote this book because of what he learned, the hard way. After pushing for years in ministry, he finally came face to face with burnout. He shares the lessons learned to help others.


For those that have been in ministry for some time, “Leading on Empty” serves as a prescription for renewal. For those that are just beginning, it serves as a preventative plan to structure your life and ministry to endure.


Here are some of my key takeaways from the book:

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Have you ever had a trial that overwhelmed your life?


You know the kind. When first faced with the trial, it is like a huge cliff in your path, stopping all forward momentum. Your life comes to a screeching halt and from your vantage point you see no way around it.


If you are like me, when you face trials you are quick to look at the whole problem. We never merely look at today’s problem; we look at tomorrow's, and then the next day, etc. As we look at the endless problems that could come our way we think, "I can’t continue”. We don’t feel that we have the strength to pass through our problem.


A few years ago the Lord allowed me to go through one of these trials. In the midst of it, God used the words of Jeremiah to instruct my heart and bring great comfort.

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Jeremiah lived a hard life, filled with trials. He was utterly dismayed and didn’t know how he could continue (see Lamentations 3:1-20). But even in the midst of trials, he found hope. This same hope is available to us today.